Soccer is love, soccer is life

What strikes me first and foremost about this page is how much change I have undergone in this area of my life. Even the title which I made junior year, "Soccer is love, soccer is life," is not as relevant to me anymore. Anyways, here it goes! Here is an account of my 10 years plus time spent with the sport I love most.

I first started playing soccer when I was 6, on a recreational team called the Pink Panthers. Many of the girls I played with back then I am still very good friends with today! One girl, who also goes to school here at Grimsley, named Ellen Harris and I are still playing together today after almost 11 years! I think this is a great example of how soccer can bring people together. My early days of soccer are surprisingly not some of my happiest. I am definitely the type of person who puts a lot of pressure on myself, so that when other people add any sort of pressure, it is too much for me to handle. Every Saturday gearing up for my weekly Pink Panther's game was spent in tears and desperate attempts to persuade my mom to let me go home, stop playing soccer, and never see the field again. I felt this inexplicable thrill of anxiety and adrenaline, and I dreaded any type of competition where there was a winner and a loser. I think most of these feelings originated from our highly competitive and uptight parent-coach. He provided the additional pressure to win that, on top of my internally imposed pressure, sent me over the edge stress-wise. But, throughout the tears and distress, my mom continued to coax me to play.

"Maybe if I look scary enough, they won't even shoot the ball"

How did I even run when my legs were so tiny??

Somewhere along the way, advancing through the age groups and levels of youth soccer, I learned one of the most important lessons a young athlete can learn. An athlete who is dominated by the fear of losing is more likely to lose than the one who focuses only on pursuing and achieving her goals. Perhaps a change of coach from my Pink Panther days helped in learning this lesson, but this change in my soccer philosophy dramatically changed both my enjoyment and performance on the field. Where I used to hide from receiving passes from teammates because I was scared that losing the ball meant it was my fault, I was running to receive it, create plays, and do my best given the circumstances. Making mistakes is part of the game. They help you learn. They aren't as embarrassing as they seem, because everyone makes them.

Despite learning this important lesson about soccer, playing both club and school soccer throughout the duration of the IB Programme has not been easy. Given the choice between club and school soccer, the former is arguably the higher level, more intense, and more time consuming. During both junior and senior year, the umbrella club between Winston-Salem and Greensboro named Fusion has tested my determination and dedication to soccer, brought me into contact with some life long friends, and faced me with challenges I never would have even imagined. I have dedicated four years of team camps, Thanksgivings, Christmases, practices, tears, victories, and losses to it, and it is much more than just a club to me. Additionally playing for Grimsley Women's Soccer has been an honor and a wonderful experience, and at times has been taxing and frustrating.

Club Season Junior Year, Fall 2014:

During the club season of my junior year, one of the overarching themes was unfulfilled potential. We played well as a team, did all the right things, and not only didn't get the results we wanted, we did terribly. We lost to teams 4-0 and 3-0 that we normally wouldn't have trouble beating. One thing I noticed was that junior year seemed to be the year that hard work overtook pure talent. Our team was mostly made up of girls who had been a part of youth soccer since 6 years old in either Winston or Greensboro, and were used to effortlessly winning all their games. I was also used to these easy victories. The Rock Lee (Naruto reference, sorry) archetype of a hardworking team who didn't necessarily have as much talent was represented by our rivals, CASL. Junior year was the year the tide turned. We started losing to them instead of the other way around. After having two really bad weekends of playing well, being exposed in transition, giving up silly goals, and losing badly, I felt that as a team we had been knocked off our feet. It's hard to stay dedicated and do well when you aren't winning. It generates a negative mentality that only creates a cycle for more losing. Though we ended the season on a fairly positive note at playoffs in Seattle, we finished close to the bottom of the league. Two of my biggest take-aways from that year are the importance of a strong mentality, and that talent eventually does get beaten by hard work.

It all starts at Team Camp in August- 3 hour practices for a week in preparation for the season

Celebrating the best kind of goal- one against CASL

"Ok silly picture!"

Halloween shenanigans at practice at Smith High School

A sunset at the ECNL event in Phoenix

Cheesy laughing picture right before we got yelled at to get off the golf course. Also in Phoenix!

Home Game against the Ohio Internationals

After arriving in the Dallas Airport!

It turns out for the whole three days of the Dallas event, we didn't get to play a single game because of snow. Who even knew it snowed in Dallas!

Commemorating the young fusion player Nathan, who died at a tournament in a tragic accident with his number on our wrists 

Gloria and I in the Gatorade tent before our first play-off game in Seattle

Our faces when we stumbled into a Gay Pride Parade in while visiting downtown Seattle!

Club Season Senior Year, Fall 2015:

After a frustrating school season, I was ecstatic to get ready for my fourth and final club season playing for Fusion! Playing for three years under coach Andy Butler had left us unprepared for the coaching change. As a team, we were now put on our toes trying to understand how our new coach operated, modifying our team chemistry, and building a new relationship. I was initially super impressed with our new coach Patrick's discipline and dedication to the team. He took the time to have player meetings with every single one of the players individually before team camp even started. He also was much more interactive with the players than our previous coach, something that we were not used to as team. Patrick was a genuinely nice guy too, and had a very positive coaching style. Where the Grimsley coach was out of touch with the players, Patrick was the opposite. One of his biggest coaching strengths was his ability to sense the mood of the team, and adjust things accordingly. One big challenge I faced this year was being named one of two team captains. This really surprised me, since I usually prefer to sit back and offer more a support role, or lead by example. There was another player on the team who I thought deserved the position much more than I did. Also, I could tell that she was really upset about not being re-elected to be a team captain, since she had been the captain and "the mom of the team" for three years prior. To make matters worse, she was one of my closest friends! I had a hunch though, that Patrick knew how I operated, and wouldn't have chosen me as a captain to force me to do something I wasn't naturally good at. I decided to go and talk to him, and he put all my worries to rest. He told me that the reason he chose me was not to be the mom of the team, lead warm ups and cool downs, or work with logistics- all things I am not naturally good at. He said that he saw that I could balance out the other captain, who was much more detail-oriented and organized than I was, and additionally provide leadership on the field with my communication, work ethic, and positive attitude. It was definitely a learning experience, and one of my first forays into the world of being recognized as an "official" leader, as opposed to informally fulfilling roles as they present themselves.

Other than being recognized as a captain, one thing I didn't like at practice was the lack of games in the drills. Most of the stuff we did had a much broader, more tactical, team-based feel to it. It made practice a bit more of a chore than a fun competition, and sometimes it was hard to feel motivated. Though Patrick showed us that he was dedicated to us as a team, tt was clear by mid season that our team was falling apart. Senior year is really hard year to stay dedicated and focused on soccer when there are so many other big things happening in life- college decisions are right around the corner. I had seen the U18 team fall apart from afar as a U17 my junior year. As the attendance at practice declined, other players felt like they were being let down by teammates who never showed up, and then more and more people made excuses to miss practice in a positive feedback cycle. Patrick did not have any way of holding girls accountable for missing practice, and not many teammates would directly tell each other that they were unhappy with their performance at practice or dedication to the team. In this manner, about half the team that stayed dedicated throughout the season (including me) became very unhappy with our performance, and the other half of the team frankly didn't care. Patrick, reasonably enough, saw that his efforts were not going appreciated, and stopped putting in as much time planning practices and being invested in our success. Our problems definitely reflected in our performance, and some of the continued problems with unfulfilled potential from junior year were present again. The whole season was not a failure though! Our last performance in the Florida showcase, and our last game against FC Virginia, the top of the league, were both exciting and emotional. I also appreciate the life-long friends I have been lucky enough to meet through Fusion. The past years have for sure been the best soccer years of my life, and I could not be thankful enough for the opportunities and good health I have that allow me to play.

Excited faces now that our last team camp is over!

A beautiful sunset at the practices fields at BB&T Soccer Park

On a cheesecake date downtown with one of two of best soccer buddies. This is Gloria!

And this my co-captain Cameron!

After beating FC Virginia 1-0 in the Southern Soccer Showcase

Playing in 90 degree weather in the Sanford, Florida showcase

A fellow pun-loving teammate. Her name is also Cameron!

More action shots from Florida

A silly picture from team dinner at Universal Studios :)

Don't let our smiles fool you: we were dead after our third 90 minute game in hot weather!

Someone captured this sweet moment in what we thought was our last Fusion Game ever.

Surprise! We still had some make-up games in Virginia to finish off the season.

After tying FC Virginia in our last game- for real this time.

Summary: 

Originally, the summary I had written last year for this soccer page talked about my hopes and dreams in being recruited to a D1 school and attaining scholarship money to compete at the highest level. That previous summary and the title of the page are both represent a fundamental view on soccer that has changed. Back then, I was single-minded determination, whereas now I believe I have a more holistic approach. Female soccer players typically commit to a school their Junior year, which was much too early for me to decide where I am going to spend the next four years of my life. After receiving offers from UNCW, UNCG, and Wake, I still didn't feel like any of those universities were right for me. Everyone's college application and selection process is a little bit different, and I could not be happier that I have decided to wait until my senior year in making a decision. My goals for college are now much more balance oriented. I would like to have a much healthier balance of school, soccer, and social life, in order to make me the happiest, most efficient, and self-fulfilled human I can possibly be! Sometimes I wonder whether playing at the club level of soccer in school will be satisfying enough for me, given that in the past I know I have been frustrated with my teammates' respective levels of play and some of their lack of commitment, but also I want to avoid committing to something that will prevent me from properly pursuing a degree and having a fun social life in my college experience. I think about making a decision every day. I can't wait to know where I am going this fall, and I will be sure to announce it when I know!

Throughout my four years playing for Fusion I believe I have:

• shown perseverance and commitment in my activities - I have attended regularly and accepted a share of the responsibility for dealing with problems that arise in the course of activities.

• developed new skills - As with new challenges, new skills may be shown in activities that the student has not previously undertaken, or in increased expertise in an established area.

I have both persevered through the rough times of my early game and the many problems we faced as a team senior year. I also and developed and refined my soccer skizzles through an immense amount of time spent playing and practicing.

Total Action hours: 150+